Hello Dear readers,
Its been some time that any new content has appeared on this blog and I would at the onset apologize for this prolonged delay. We have not been able to put any new recipe video content on our YouTube Channel as well.
Today, I am here to not only explain the reason for this long hiatus from posting new content but also commit to being more regular hence forth. I had put a post on Facebook back in October for all our followers and readers but I couldn’t muster enough courage to post it here back then. Today as I find myself bit more settled into this new life of mine, I think I am ready to share with you what has happened in past 6 months or so. I am going to re-post what I posted on Facebook last October as I believe those words came out when my wounds were fresh and I wont be able to do any better now. So here I am re-posting same contents from Facebook.
Allow me to introduce myself. While I have logged in as Smita for posting this, I am, in her own words- her partner.
While I am trying to standup on my feet from the brutal impact of what happened on the fateful night of 3rd October 2021, what I realize now is my life has shattered into pieces now.
I don’t know if I will ever be able to pick up the fallen pieces and stand back on my feet. However, I am making a brave face for the folks who are left behind. Pretending to be strong. I may have felt weak and vulnerable so many times in past, but I had a support in Smita to fallback on. The thought of doing it this time without my partner makes it unimaginable for me.
I feel scared
I feel lost
I feel disoriented.
What Smita has left behind is her huge and humungous wealth of friends and innumerable lifes that she touched in so many ways.
I have attended so many phone calls.
Each one of you are confused and worried. Confused for not knowing what happened and worried for me and my entire family. Thank you so much for remembering us in your prayers
I will try to put down what happened on that fateful night that I want to wipe out from my memory forever.
Smita was admitted on Friday for an antenatal steroid injection (4 doses with gap of 12 hours between each injection). Sunday, she was under medical observation and they wanted to see if all the crucial parameters were within the range. Me and Smita had our dinner at 8.40 in the hospital, and she was going to do her sugar check at 10.40 (2 hours reading). Reading was well within the range and we were happy. She has earlier asked me to go and get a chocolate pastry (I got chocolate pastry and a French mousse, just in case my lovely wife has that extra sweet tooth). We had planned to eat it at 11 and then go to sleep. Around 10.45, she complained of breathlessness. We summoned doctor and she began examining her. She was getting checked while she was seated on a chair. Doctor said the nurse that put her on bed and make her lie down. As Smita got up, she began to collapse (she was in my arms for that last time). While she was getting shifted on bed which was 3 feet apart, she suffered a severe cardiac arrest and I saw her pressing her teeth so hard that my heart skipped a beat. I was hopeful with doctors around. They started all medical procedures and tried to revive her for next 3 hours. She was also put on ventilator during this time, but her heart had stopped, and she couldn’t be revived. I had lost everything in those moments of few seconds. Our dreams came crashing down, my love of life decided to leave me, and I could do nothing to save her.
Doctor called me hours later and asked for if I wanted a postmortem to get an exact cause of death or want to take her home then after signing a consent. I had seen my angel suffer during her pregnancy and I didn’t want her to go through the trauma of postmortem. I decided to sign the consent and take her home with me.
Standing there in ICU room, besides her bed, I saw her sleeping peacefully like an angel. I kissed her forehead, moved my fingers through her lovely hairs, caressed my baby (whom I had lost) and asked Smita to rest further. I told her I will take care of things.
I had lied.
I don’t know If I will be able to take care of things without her.
I have been crying on calls and trying to stay strong in between. I am happy and sad both.
Happy knowing, how much Smita had impacted people in so many ways and sad for the tragedy. She was an angel whom god had sent for a short period of time to touch so many lives. Her purpose on earth was served and he needed her back. Only grudge I have with God is how could he be so selfish and not think about me even for a moment.
I will be happy to talk to each one of you and we can listen to each other’s feelings. Please ping me or on Smita’s phone if you want to talk. I am going to keep my Smita’s number active so that I could call my own number and see my screen flash with her name. That would give me some comfort.
I am also planning to use her FB account for blogging on our sweet and lovely memories. There are so many memories that I want to talk about which I plan to talk and share here with all of you. I want to keep Smita alive in our memories forever. I hope you will help me achieve that.
Dear friends, that was what happened on that fateful night and I have struggled to find my way without her all these months. However, Today I find myself in a happy space- my heart filled with joy and contentment. I have been looking forward to this day for many weeks now- day when I get a chance to relive Smita’s dream. We are going live one more time on both the channels.